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Barbie from the Crypt Barbie Wanna-bes

Barbie from the Crypt

Barbie Wanna-bes
 
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Uptown Barbie - this pretentious bitch Barbie is only sold at Canal Place. She comes with Kenneth Cole 4 inch clunky shoes (actual size), an assortment of real Kate Spade handbags, a take-out box from the Cheesecake Bistro and a mini BMW convertible.

N.O. East Barbie - this thick Barbie comes with 4-inch long airbrushed curved nails, a blonde hair weave, excessive gold jewelry and caps, and is also available with the 'Lil Kim SUV, complete with automatic weapons. The miniature Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes house uses burning lighter set sold separately. Options include the N.O. East Nightclub Barbie which comes with a mini 9mm handgun and a Ray Lewis knife.

St. Charles Avenue Barbie- this Barbie runs her own women's clothing and accessories store on the Avenue... as a hobby. She graduated from Tulane and was married the next day. Careful with this one, she ceases to function when she finally finds out that Dr. Ken has been boinking one of his surgical assistants since she had her first baby.

Westbank Barbie - this trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the mini-SUV or mini-minivan vehicles, gets lost easily, and has no fulltime occupation or secondary education. Available (and usually confused) at any overpriced low-quality specialty store in Oakwood. Traffic jammin' cell phone sold separately.

Waggaman Barbie - this special white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans that are 2 sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a mini Coors Light in the can, a Hank Jr. CD set, can spit over 5 feet, and she can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk. A mini pickup is also available with Rebel flag bumper stickers and gun rack.

Westwego Barbie - this Barbie model features non-functional 10-inch platforms, over 12 body piercings, 14 tattoos, purple-green hair color, smells like an athlete, has no occupation, and is waiting on the curb for the Uptown Barbie to return and pick her up.

Bourbon Street Barbie - this Barbie was previously a Trailer Trash Barbie, but was recently displaced by a new 25-to-30-year old Barbie that is actually a $80K/year Yuppie masquerading as a down/out artsy Barbie. Comes with a full black wardrobe from area second hand stores.


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Sep 29/2020 - 6:53pm EST