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Computer One-Liners    Fwds Home
One liners about computers
 

  • A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

  • According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

  • A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

  • A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

  • A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.

  • Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows!

  • All computers wait at the same speed.

  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

  • All you need to know is the user interface.

  • Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

  • Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

  • Any program that runs right is obsolete.

  • A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.

  • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

  • A program is never finished until the programmer dies.

  • ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

  • As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

  • A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.

  • A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.

  • Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

  • Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?

  • Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

  • Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

  • Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

  • Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.

  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

  • Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.

  • Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.

  • COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

  • Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.

  • Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

  • Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.

  • Computer programmers do it byte by byte.

  • Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

  • Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.

  • Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.

  • Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

  • Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.

  • Computers can never replace human stupidity.

  • Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

  • Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.

  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

  • Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.

  • Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?

  • Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

  • Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

  • Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.

  • Don't document the program; program the document.

  • Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

  • Don't let the computer bugs bite!

  • DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!

  • DOS Tip #1: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

  • DOS Tip #2: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

  • Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

  • Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

  • Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

  • Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...

  • Every bug you find is the last one.

  • Every time I type 'win', I loose ...

  • Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

  • .......File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

  • For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.

  • Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

  • Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!

  • Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....

  • Hit any user to continue.

  • Home is where the computer is plugged in.

  • How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...

  • I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

  • If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.

  • If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

  • If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.

  • I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.

  • If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

  • If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

  • If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

  • I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.

  • I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

  • I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

  • I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

  • In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.

  • Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.

  • It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

  • It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.

  • It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.

  • It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...

  • I wish life has a scroll back buffer.

  • Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.

  • Keyboard not connected, press to continue.

  • MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.

  • Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

  • Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

  • Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?

  • MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.

  • Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!

  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

  • Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"

  • No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

  • Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?

  • One person's error is another person's data.

  • One picture is worth 128K words.

  • Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.

  • Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!

  • Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

  • Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....

  • Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

  • Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.

  • RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.

  • Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

  • Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

  • Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

  • Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

  • Speed Kills! Use Windows 95.

  • System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.

  • Tandy - you can buy better, but you can't pay more.

  • The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

  • <-------- The information went data way --------->

  • The name is Baud......, James Baud.

  • The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.

  • The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.

  • The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

  • There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

  • There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

  • There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.

  • There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

  • These settings will have no effect until you restart the system. Reset Universe (Y/N) ?

  • Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!

  • To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

  • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

  • User error: replace user and press any key to continue.

  • Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.

  • What boots up must come down.

  • Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?

  • Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

  • Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?

  • Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?

  • Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

  • Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?

  • Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.

  • WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

  • Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.

  • You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.

  • You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.

  • You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.

  • You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!

  • You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.


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Oct 20/2017 - 3:52pm EST